If you find out that you will need spinal fusion surgery or even ANY surgery at all, it can be a very stressful situation. If you're like me you'll worry about everything from the irrational things (what if I wake up during surgery!?) to the more realistic things like the results of the surgery. I'm here to tell you that you're going to be fine!
My first thoughts when I was 14 and first heard of the possibility of surgery were complete terror. We originally had gone to get an x-ray before going to my current hospital and orthopedic at Scottish Rite, but I wasn't able to look at it. I just remember my mom saying "We hope a brace can fix it." And the radiologist nervously laughing and replying with "I don't think so." I cried my eyes out. I mean this was just so weird! Why was my spine...like that?
Over the course of 4 years the possibility of surgery hung over our heads and I feared it so much that I would have sleepless nights and lose my appetite. Until one day when I was a little older, 16 or 17, I decided I was never going to have that surgery. Even when I found out I actually needed surgery; my doctor telling me he recommended it, I still refused. It wasn't until my senior year of high school that my body was basically telling me I needed it. That's when my mom scheduled the operation. She scheduled it in January 2019, for July 16, 2019 when I was 18 years old.
When my mom told me the date it was waterworks all over again. I was completely devastated and terrified. I had about 6 months to figure it out and get myself ready for this dreaded day. For as long as I can remember, I have been one to worry about every slight thing that could go wrong. I am the queen of overthinking and I'll take into consideration every possible outcome and detail. Throughout those 6 months I was in denial. I still refused to believe that it was actually happening. Sure sometimes it would keep me up at night and I'd be like "woah, this is actually happening" and the next day I'd be like "Nah. No way, it's not happening, I won't let it." I went back and forth until finally, about a month or so before, I found peace. For all you readers out there, I'm not sure what your beliefs are, but I was raised in a christian home and was taught to give everything to my God from a very young age. So that's what I attempted to do. I prayed and prayed and prayed until I just felt peace. God promises us peace at all times. (2 Thessalonians 3:16) I meditated in God's word and once I handed my fears to him I just kind of let it go. It sort of eased off of me and I learned to just enjoy the short weeks left before surgery. This is unusual for me, because normally when I am dreading something, I tend to not enjoy the days leading up to it and basically just want to lay in bed and mope. But it was different before my major surgery. I was tubing at the lake 2 days before, living my life to the fullest.
However, it was about 4 days before my operation that it really started to hit me..I was going to be put under and then cut open and someone was going to move my spine!! The tears came back along with the sleepless nights and loss of my appetite. It wasn't until about an hour and a half before surgery that I got my strength back. This was because my OR prep nurse was so kind and funny, and he gave me some medicine to calm my anxiety which ended up making me super loopy, so I was just laughing and talking heads off and saying things that didn't make sense!
Now that I look back on this event, I'm realizing that it's all a mindset. Probably the hardest part will just be the anticipation of your surgery. It definitely was for me. I worked myself up for nothing! To this day I can easily say that I would go through it all again if I had to and I wouldn't even give worry a second thought.
So without further a-due, let me give you my best tips on how to deal with anxiety before surgery!
If you're a believer, meditate in God's word. Hand all your fears over to him. Read bible verses about peace, worry, and fear. There's a verse for everything that you are struggling with. I promise you if you hand it to Him He will give you peace. I'll include some of my favorite verses for fear and worry down below!
Watch youtube videos and vlogs about the surgery you are having. This helped me more than I thought it would. I got to see what it was like to have the exact same surgery I did and hear people talk about their experience with it and it felt so good to know that others had done what I was going to do and were successful. It automatically makes you feel better if you know that someone else can do it. If they can do it, you can do it. And especially if I can do it, anyone can do it.
Remember that you were chosen to have this surgery and so it was meant to be. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. God tells us that we were created for a purpose. Your purpose was to come out on top of that surgery and to get better. This surgery is just a bump in the road! God does not promise us a bump free journey. We have to go through trials, some very difficult, to become the person He wants us to be, and to learn from it and grow stronger! God showed me that I am much stronger than I thought I was. Surgery taught me the biggest lesson ever, that I am capable of anything.
More than likely in the hours before your operation you're going to feel more comfortable because you'll be all wrapped up in a bed getting water through your IV, taking medications and just relaxing. I was so comfy in that little rolling bed I was on. The blanket was heated and the pillows were nice and my hospital gown was comfy and soft. This helped ease my anxiety a lot.
Talk to your nurses. They have seen patients go through the surgery you're having countless times. It feels good to know that they have experience in helping people just like you.
You'll probably see other people who are about to undergo an operation while you're in the holding room, or you'll see people who just came out! I remember another girl was in the holding room with me and she appeared nervous too. I also saw a girl come out of surgery and she looked nice and peaceful. This gave me a little bit of courage.
If you're worried about anesthesia- my biggest fear was the anesthesia. I had an irrational fear of waking up in the middle of surgery. I don't know why, but I psyched myself up so much about that. I genuinely worried that the anesthesia wasn't going to work on me. Little did I know that the whole anesthesia thing was going to be a blur. I remember a team of anesthesiologists were hooking me up to wires and stuff in the operating room and the next thing I knew, I was awake in a different room! It was like nothing ever happened. And even when I woke up, it was like I wasn't really myself. I barely remember anything. It's sort of like a distant dream. Most likely your entire surgery day is gonna be a blur. So think of it as a dream you're going to have, because that's most likely how it's going to feel. Also, if you're like me and are worried about waking up during the operation, know that your trained and professional anesthesiologists' main goal is to keep you asleep. They are there monitoring your sleep process throughout your entire operation, constantly giving you more medicine to keep you under. My surgeon also told me that waking up during surgery never happens. He's never seen it been done. So no worries about that.
If you're worried about risks-with spinal fusion surgery, there is going to be a computer that you'll be hooked up to to monitor your spinal cord! A trained doctor or neurologist will be there to keep an eye on the computer as well. Your team of doctors and surgeons' main goal is to keep you safe and get you on the path to healing. They are trained in making people better. And more than likely your surgeon will have performed this operation successfully countless times before you. Before your surgery, your surgeon will also explain to you the risks of having the operation, and with spinal fusion, the risks he explained were all less than a 1% chance of happening! I felt quite at peace after hearing that.
Evaluate your fears. Make a list about the things that worry you the most. You can either research them, or you can ask your doctor/surgeon about them at your pre-op appointment. If you make a list of your fears and write down what exactly is triggering that fear, ex; you're afraid you may wake up during surgery like I was, write down next to it the many reasons why this will NOT happen. If you write down next to your fear the slim-to-none chances of it happening or whether it's irrational, or the facts about this particular thing that's worrying you, you'll feel tons better. I had ruled out everything that I was worried about for surgery and narrowed it down to one worry which was anesthesia. Soon come to find out that anesthesia was the best part!
Worried about being in the hospital? Being a patient with a condition in a hospital for the first time really freaked me out. Little did I know that after surgery I didn't even care where I was I just wanted to sleep! The main focus was healing and getting better. That's how it will be for you too. It was kind of like staying in a hotel, but all of your needs are met at all times, and people are always in your room! I'll never forget my time in the hospital, it was like nothing I'd ever experienced-in a good way!
Get in a support group!! The night before surgery I posted in my support group, Scoliosis Warriors on Facebook asking for advice and prayers because I was nervous. I got a bunch of helpful tips and comments that people were praying for me. You might feel alone if you're undergoing something serious like spinal fusion surgery and none of your close friends around have experienced something like that, but if you seek them out, you will discover that you are NOT alone. There are so many people out there who have had the same surgery you're having, or are going to be having it on Instagram, Facebook, Youtube, Twitter, you name it. Be sure to find those people out there!
Worried about recovery? The pain and the process? Honestly I didn't have time to worry about recovery, I was too busy worrying about the surgery itself. In fact I thought about recovery so little that I was not prepared for it at all. Recovery is a hard topic to discuss just because with spinal fusion it's really different for everyone. For me I feel like it was harder than most I've talked to, probably because I wasn't mentally prepared. Luckily my nurses and my mom were! After surgery you become very dependent on others for everything, especially that first week. I won't lie, recovery isn't easy, but it's not something you can't handle. Everything can be dealt with. For pain you'll have medicine, for discomfort it's recommended that you get up and walk. You'll have lots of tools to help you along the way. Be sure to read my arcticle Surgery!! (My Experience, Advice and More) for more tips about recovery and more.
Surgery sounds scary and it is completely normal to have fear or stress about it. But you can find peace. Surgery is tremendously safer now than it used to be, and the people who are operating on you are going to give their 100% to get you on the path to healing. If you have any more questions that I didn't address or just want to talk or anything, my DMs and email are always open! You're going to be fine and you will kick surgery's butt!
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7
"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1
"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
"It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure." Psalm 18:32
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27
"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31
"Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you." 2 Thessalonians 3:16
""If you can?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for one who believes."" Mark 9:23
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13